Pumpkin picking, park strolling, winter days that feel like spring, weekend trips out of town, wildlife sightings, farm fun. These are the things that make the days worth it. Indigo is deep in the stage of exploration. Always wandering and wondering. It's hard, being a mother at twenty years old. It's hard being a mother at any age. I'm so thankful for where I am. What I have. And what I don't. I'm happy and I love my sweet Indigo more than anything.
I haven't said much on the blog lately.
Life has just been so up and then down.
It's funny, my last post being entitled "Happiness Blooms."
GUESS THAT FLOWER WAS ONE OF THOSE FLOWERS THAT BLOOMS FOR TWO SECONDS AND THEN DIES. (just being dramatic)
I'm once again a single, single mom. It's so discouraging...being sure of something and having it taken away. When it comes to love, I'm pretty naive but at the same time, I can be pretty ruthless. I feel like my theme song should be "Crazy" by Patsy Cline.
I seem to fall much too quickly.
Heartbreak is terrible, no matter who you are, but when you've got a little one to tend to, it just makes it all the more difficult. The most recent relationship, came to a screeching, unexpected halt. Leaving me feeling completely hopeless, at least when it comes to my future love life.
I don't consider myself one to rely on a man/boy/dude to make me happy. At the same time, I'm totally aware that having a boyfriend/husband in your life has its own problems and difficulties.
Not only have I been dwelling on my newfound singledom, but I'm also left with the thought of "what the heck am I going to do with my life" looming over my head. I can't support a child by myself on a minimum wage job for the rest of my life?! I just can't quite figure it out. I've been feeling so unhappy, so lonely, so confused, so just blah, so stressed.
But today, I meditated more than usual. And by meditated I mean prayed. The best time to pray, for me, is when I'm rocking Indigo to bed. Few things make you more thankful than rocking a sweet, sleepy baby to sleep, as they drift off in your arms. I do have some things to worry about. I do have some things to be upset about. I do have reason to stress. BUT I have so much more to be thankful for (ugh for ending in a prepositional phrase). I can't have control over everything so I just have to be confident that my life WILL work out well. I have to remember that everything really, really does happen for a reason. I pray for guidance and happiness for all of the people in my life now..but I also have to pray for those in my future (future hubz, pointing my finger in your direction). I have to ask for guidance, and be confident that my requests and praises are being heard.
After my bit of meditation and prayer, I feel a lot better. I feel thankful. I'm not jumping for joy or anything....but I feel content.
I mean, just look at my child, how could I ever by unhappy?