Sunday, August 26, 2012

Chronicles of Being a Single Mom: Meditating



I haven't said much on the blog lately.
Life has just been so up and then down.
It's funny, my last post being entitled "Happiness Blooms."

GUESS THAT FLOWER WAS ONE OF THOSE FLOWERS THAT BLOOMS FOR TWO SECONDS AND THEN DIES. (just being dramatic)

I'm once again a single, single mom. It's so discouraging...being sure of something and having it taken away. When it comes to love, I'm pretty naive but at the same time, I can be pretty ruthless. I feel like my theme song should be "Crazy" by Patsy Cline.

I seem to fall much too quickly.

Heartbreak is terrible, no matter who you are, but when you've got a little one to tend to, it just makes it all the more difficult. The most recent relationship, came to a screeching, unexpected halt. Leaving me feeling completely hopeless, at least when it comes to my future love life.

I don't consider myself one to rely on a man/boy/dude to make me happy. At the same time, I'm totally aware that having a boyfriend/husband in your life has its own problems and difficulties.

Not only have I been dwelling on my newfound singledom, but I'm also left with the thought of "what the heck am I going to do with my life" looming over my head. I can't support a child by myself on a minimum wage job for the rest of my life?! I just can't quite figure it out. I've been feeling so unhappy, so lonely, so confused, so just blah, so stressed.

But today, I meditated more than usual. And by meditated I mean prayed. The best time to pray, for me, is when I'm rocking Indigo to bed. Few things make you more thankful than rocking a sweet, sleepy baby to sleep, as they drift off in your arms. I do have some things to worry about. I do have some things to be upset about. I do have reason to stress. BUT I have so much more to be thankful for (ugh for ending in a prepositional phrase). I can't have control over everything so I just have to be confident that my life WILL work out well. I have to remember that everything really, really does happen for a reason. I pray for guidance and happiness for all of the people in my life now..but I also have to pray for those in my future (future hubz, pointing my finger in your direction). I have to ask for guidance, and be confident that my requests and praises are being heard.

After my bit of meditation and prayer, I feel a lot better. I feel thankful. I'm not jumping for joy or anything....but I feel content.

I mean, just look at my child, how could I ever by unhappy?










9 comments:

  1. Hang in there sister! It will get better with time. Everything truly does happen for a reason. Love you!

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  2. You seem to be SUCH a wonderful mama, don't worry. I am going through similar things, minus the beautiful little one though!

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  3. I'm not sure if I've ever left a comment here before, but I just wanted to say that prayer definitely helps in every situation! Even though we have different stories, I'm single too and know how you feel (at least a little, little bit). Keep on praying! I'll pray for you, too!

    I'm not sure if you're familiar with this song, but Josh Wilson's Before the Morning is a great song to listen to when in need of hope + encouragement (at least it has been for me!).

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  4. It will all be just fine. Keep praying/meditating~keep good/positive energy.

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  5. what kind of camera do you have? i love all your pictures!

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  6. Just found your blog and I was stunned by this post. So brave of you to share your honest heart. You have a very raw, real energy about you and I'm so excited to follow your journey :)

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  7. You will find someone, you´ll see. Your photos are absolutely beautiful

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